We all do things to soothe ourselves. We have ways of being—reading, walking, meditation, listening to music, fishing, praying—which are things which are an antidote to anxiety because they are not things we do to create a specific outcome and so are not things we can fail at. Sometimes the anxiety is too intense for ways of being to be enough soothing, so we do things that actively seek to avoid the anxiety. These are things like eating, shopping, smoking cigarettes, getting high, zoning out in front of the TV, playing online games, and acting out sexually.

Sometimes even these are not enough. They become “not enough” by our having relied on them without doing enough to actually address the causes of the anxiety, or they become not enough because we are giving up some of the other self-soothing activities we use. If we have been smoking to address anxiety and we stop smoking, the other self soothing strategies we retain have to take up more of the effort and they are not able to carry the weight. We become bored with them.

The only long term solution is to address the anxiety. We have to become aware of the things that are making us anxious.